Times Online, “He ventured forth to bring light to the world”
And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.
The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.
When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”
In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.
And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.
He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the
Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.
And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.
From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.
And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child’s very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.
And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.
From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.
In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.
As word spread throughout the land about the Child’s wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.
And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child’s journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.
The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.
And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.
Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.
And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.
Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.
But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.
And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.
Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.
On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.
And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”
That is f***ing hilarious.
The word “messiah” is used to depict a deliverer. The Jewish nation is looking for a deliverer…it might well be the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran.
Certainly the United States needs a deliverer after a failed COUP by the GOP in 2006. Read my 10 Reasons in http://www.victorgarrod.net
As for Obama being the promised Messiah or the Christ who has returned to Earth. Why NOT? Looking at the biblical myths it is also recorded that the ANTICHRIST is to come in the endtime…. HE will be the ultimate deliverer IF you happen to be a bible believer.
My opinion of Barack Obama is, IF America is to be “saved” from the corruption of the present dictator….OBAMA is indeed “the deliverer.” Obama will win the election in a landslide….let’s watch the promised Messiah go to work and change American politics forever.
America’s Deliverer…Barack Obama!!
“Professor”, please buy a dictionary and look up the word dictator. And yes, let’s watch Obama change American politics: from democracy into socialism. I’m sure that will make everything better…
And as for the Jewish nation looking to the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran to be their deliverer…..that’s just plain ridiculous.
this bush hatred is getting ridiculous, don’t give into the fear advocated by the media - they want to think for you
For some reason I have strong suspicions this is a product of the Conservative camp. Of course we are supposed to interpret it in a light hearted context; but beneath the surface it could be a clandestine attempt to turn potential supporters away from Obama, if not to generate outrage at what is almost a sacreligious comparison. People are not going to be endeared to a man presented to them as the Christ incarnet.
it’s an attack on his celebrity like recognition during his world tour, i think the point was to show the hype and drive away potential supporters
I LOVE how no matter what Democrats say about Republican candidates it’s “just campaigning”, but when Republicans say ANYTHING negative AT ALL about ANY Democrat ANYWHERE EVER, it’s some sort of “propaganda” or “subterfuge” or all the other flowery buzzwords that Democrats like to throw around to make themselves sound smarter than they are. OF COURSE the ad was an attempt to draw supporters away from Obama…that is the ENTIRE point of campaigning. The whole purpose of this was to parody the fact that he is perceived by the mainstream media to be some sort of completely infallible figure when he most definitely is not. It’s simply an attempt to get people to understand that they need to look further into his ideas and platform, you know, those simple little things that are the entire basis for a real presidency…instead of looking at how celebrity-like he is. It’s irritating on so many levels that people are completely overlooking the mistakes of Democrats, simply because the media has spent sooooooo much time covering EVERY SINGLE LITTLE thing that ANY Republican has done or said wrong in the past 8 years. I love how the story about Edwards has gotten ZERO attention, and I love even more how there has been almost NO coverage about how Obama and Pelosi and all of their pals have flip-flopped about domestic oil drilling. That’s the thing about Democrats: they have no real platform, they do EVERYTHING based on public opinion polls. And before some Demo gets on here and attempts to ream me a new asshole…Public Opinion Polls are DIFFERENT than people actually VOTING on something.
TheFox. How are you gonna come in here, and say that Democrats use a bunch of buzz-words, and then end your post with the word flip-flop? That’s a bunch of junk. I believe that Republicans whining about Sarah Palin getting her salad tossed by the media is proof that Republicans…as well as Democrats are “just campaigning”. The fact of the matter is that Presidential candidates are simply figureheads for their respective party’s platforms. Democrats do domestic policy, and Republicans do foreign policy. You guys got Bush. He fucked it up. Bad. No wonder people are so struck by a charismatic figure preaching change like Barack Obama. People are tired of blowing everything we have on a third-world country in the middle-east that we shouldn’t have even been in in the first place. The difference in Democrats and Republicans is that Dems don’t buy into the fear, my friend. You guys sit back and let the Presidential puppets for your party tell you whatever they want, while there’s really a nutjob neo-con behind the curtain pulling the strings. (Dick Cheney…Sarah Palin). They are playing you for everything you guys are worth. And you eat it up, like you eat up the idea that a market free of regulation won’t become subject to greed. Or is greed what you guys are all about? You guys eat it up, like you ate up the idea that we’d walk into a middle-eastern country and be greeted as liberators. And that it would be “quick and easy”. You guys eat it up like somehow outlawing abortion is gonna keep people from jamming coathangers up their vaginas. The Republican party’s problem right now is that most people are starting to realize that conservatism is a say one thing, do another culture. And conservative’s run your party. I don’t know how…I thought people were more educated these days. The educated tend to vote Democrat…no wonder Bush wouldn’t fund “No Child, Left Behind”. Democrats are a party for the people. Republicans are a party for the few rich who are smart enough to fool the many retards in cowboy hats across the middle U.S. and South. And the only reason they get that vote, is because they scare those people into thinking people like Obama are celebrities, or don’t believe in god, or are gonna raise taxes. That’s all you guys have. And I don’t think it’s gonna work anymore. I think Obama, then Hillary, then either another Democrat or a Third-Party candidate. The GOP is on it’s last legs. People are going to college in droves nowadays, and that 100% works against your party.
Wow. Thank you for a completely nonsensical rant about how much you hate the GOP with no real facts thrown in. First of all, I love how you criticize me for saying that Democrats use buzz-words, and ending my comment with flip-flop, yet you immediately after that use neo-con, which is probably the most over-used buzz-word by those who lean as far to the left as you do. I never bought into the “fear” as you put it, I just threw my support behind the invasion because I figured while we were already over there we could take care of a crazed dictator at the same time. Also, I never thought it would be quick or easy. I was one of the only people that told morons like yourself that it would probably be a long, slow process, and that there would be lots of body bags rolling back home. I seem to remember quite a few Democrats throwing support at the war by the way. But, as usual, once the bodies came back and public opinion changed, the Democrats were right there to point fingers and say they never wanted anything to do with it in the first place. HA! I’ve met quite a few retards that vote Democrat. No, I’m not about greed, I AM about getting the money that I WORK for and EARN. I’m NOT about giving it to people who are too fucking lazy to get up and go to work. Speaking of which, that’s probably why Bush wouldn’t fund No Child Left Behind. It’s impossible to MAKE someone learn something. If the ass-hat doesn’t want to learn, they won’t learn. But I’m sure a Democrat like yourself will go ahead and hand them a truckload of money and say, “It’s ok, I’ll make sure you live just as well as everyone else even though you were too lazy or too stupid to attempt to learn anything.” Before you go off talking about the rich, why don’t you take a look at Obama’s tax return, and his wife’s and Ted Kennedy’s, and a whole bunch of other people that you follow. I’m Republican, I go to college, I definitely DO NOT wear a cowboy hat, or any hat for that matter, and I most definitely do not have money falling out of my ass. I have more reasons to not vote for Obama than just him being “a celebrity” or not believing in god or what the hell ever else. I wouldn’t vote for him because his ideas are dumb, and I think he’d be horrible as President. I tend to think YOU didn’t go to college, or you are just REALLY close-minded, because IF YOU DID, then you would know that there are quite a few republicans in college so…your 100% statistic is bullshit. And thank you for the Bush fucked it up statement…gee I COMPLETELY missed his entire presidency, and was completely unaware that he had done anything wrong the entire time he’d been in office. You DO realize that there are those of us republicans who don’t really care about abortion? I know I sure don’t. I’d rather somebody have an abortion or give the child up for adoption than either neglect it or suck off my tax dollars. There are also those of us on the Republican side who don’t care for ALL of George Bush’s ideas, but do agree with a few things he’s done. There are other camps other than 100% love or 100% hate. As I said though, I’m sure a close-minded individual like yourself refuses to accept that fact though. The GOP being on its (again, you are obviously not a college grad, or you just didn’t pay attention in middle school English, considering you put an apostraphe there when it doesn’t belong. I’m an English major by the way.) last legs is completely unrealistic. We’re probably do for some changes, but the basic party ideals will be here. So, next time you come in here and spout of some shit, please back it up. I don’t care if you’re a Democrat, I happen to be friends with a few, but I DO care if you come in here with a holier-than-thou attitude, and start acting like an asshole. There’s actually four groups of beliefs (in terms of Democrat and Rebulican): left-wing liberals, Democrats, Republicans, and crazed right-wing conservatives. I tend to fall into the simply Republican category. I pick and choose the ideas that I believe in. I do NOT vote simply on a party basis, I vote on an ideals basis. So please, take your piss-poor attitude elsewhere.